4
Aug
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But I can’t do either. . . . I feel like my life has been a disaster. Please read this, please help me!-I’m a 20 year old male-I dropped out of school when I was 14 (got a GED when I was 17)-I am not in school now, & I have no job. . -For the past 2 years I’ve lived with my mom & my autistic brother in a small 2 bedroom apt. in the city-I sleep on the couch in the livingroom-I have practically no personal items; very few clothes-I have a poor relationship with both my mother & brother; we barely talk, sometimes we go days w/o saying anything to eachother & my mom mostly just yells at me for not doing anything with my life. She’s been unemployed for a while now & really needs me to get a job. . . & I honestly wish I could! But I can barely take care of my extremely basic needs right now. . . -I have ZERO friends; I haven’t had any real friends since I was 13-I have gone months without saying more than 10 words a day-I have social anxiety when talking to any stranger-I have not had any meaningful emotional relationships since I had friends-I have spent the last 6 years alone, inside, pretty much just pacing back & forth thinking. -I worked for my dad when I dropped out of school, but he was a sociopath & never paid me. He owes me over 18K. I avoided contact with my mom during this period; she had kicked me out of her house when she found out I dropped out of school. Now I avoid all contact with my dad-I have frequently reccurring major depressive episodes. -Insomnia & hyposonmia-Fluctuating eating patterns-Fluctuating exercise patterns -I feel like I am very immature and have boyish-like characteristics. . Unattractive I think, anyway-I consider myself somewhat intelligent & bright,DEFINITELYy much still ignorant & uneducated-I have poor communication skills (due to lack of education & NO ONE TO PRACTICE WITH)-Unkempt self-appearance (not too bad, but I DEFFINITELY neglect myself)-Bad, crooked teeth-Very pale skin with acne-Probably about 20 lbs overweight (or too fat)-Lack self-discipline-Trying to read more books lately to increase my knowledge & expand my vocabulary-My favorite thing to do. . . is go to therapy. Sad. . I feel my parents have done a really poor job of taking care of me, though I think I might be responsible for part of this because I never “cried for the help I needed” I felt guilty whenever I asked for anything & thought that my parents would just know the best way to take care of me (. . . very stupid of me. . ). So now I guess I have severe self neglect problems, maladaptive avoidant behaviors, constantly contemplate suicide. . . , & don’t know how to put my life back together. . . except go to therapy for a long time & sort this out. . . The only diagnosis I have received is Neurotic Depression; my therapist doesn’t really “do diagnosis”. I really need to get my life on track. . . I’m so lost & confused & lonely. . . . I really wish I could cry right now. . . I keep thinking I should kill myself because of how far off course my life is & how much I am constanly stressed out, never having any moments of relief. . . In my head I am always trying to decide between living & trying my hardest to get my life on track & make something of myself & find happiness or giving up & commiting suicide because I think trying my hardest won’t be good enough & I’ll end up exhausted, miserable, & unhappy till I die. . . I’m really not sure I should even bother with this life anymore. . My future seems so bleak and futile. . . & needlessly painful. I should just put myself out of my misery. . . . I really just need someone to listen to me and offer some help right now. . One hour a week with my therapist seems to only be a TEASE! to me. . . . I want to get back to having friends & girlfriends (or one I mean), I want to get into school & get educated, I want to have a decent career. . . Any advice is appreciated. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG & INARTICULATELY WRITTEN.
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is BEST for a fast relaxation? a friend of mine is extremely stressed out at work, and I hope for something she could bring to her office for relief as a christmas present. please please please help!
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31
Jul
I have been self harming quite badly for about 5 months now, but I really want to stop for good. I cut to feel relief when I am upset, stressed out, etc, and I have found that it’s the only way that I can cope with my emotions anymore. Several people know that I cut myself, but I think that I gave them the impression that I don’t want to talk about it so they didn’t talk to me about the actual cutting, but they been trying to like figure out what’s been going on in my life that is making me cut. I do want to talk to him about it, but what do I say? I just want get the words through and across without making me cry. Also, I do NOT feel comfortable with therapy or medication because then everyone knows about me self harming, so what other ways are there for me to resist the urge to hurt myself? I have tried squeezing ice cubes and writing on myself with a red pen, putting elastic bands on my wrists and punching cushions and everything else that websites suggest but they don’t do anything for me. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR ATTENTION, so shut up if that’s what you think this is. You clearly have no idea what I’m going through so DO NOT judge me or call me emo or whatever, because I get enough of that at school, I just want people to understand that if you do self harm you are not an emo, you are NOT an attention seeker. You are just a normal human being that cuts themselves to let out unwanted emotions and feelings. Also when one of my best mates found out she has been treating me different and she just is being really funny towards me, so I told her that I had stopped for good and she said let?s see your arms but they were clean but for a couple of weeks I did it on my legs and then because I am a dancer everyone saw and they had questions so if I do it on my arms then mates treat me different, if I do it on my legs I don?t feel comfortable dancing. Any useful information and/or advice please give it but if you got to understand that catty horrible comments is NOT going to help me at allMy parents unfortunately found out about me self harming when we were on a trip to London and my mum walked in on me getting changed, not in a peado way, and she saw my arms and stomach ? I haven?t done it in about 2 weeks but I still need someone to talk to because I still am classed as severely depressed. Too many people at school know about what I do and then the word will get spread around and at the moment with all the c*** that is going on at home and with fried I really don?t want any more people to know I self harm. Please give me some advice I am only 14 years old so please don?t be horrible about me and don?t say I am an attention seeker because I am not. Thank you in advance x
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31
Jul
whenever im guilty or feel something, it affects everything i do, it’s like an order from me automatically even though i don’t want to and i can’t change it quite welli might be late to my lectures again because of writing this, but im worried that i won’t be able to listen to it well because of what happens to meit feels like im getting punished, but my guilt isn’t the result of hurting anyone elsei practically can’t do anything well under this condition and i get more stressed when i have to do my best with this, it would be a better relief if i was able to fail
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27
Jul
My girlfriend used to have a problem with cutting in middle school, but it went away until recently this senior year. She says stresses build up and she can’t cope with it and so cutting provides her temporary relief. Myself and her best friend are incredibly worried, and we are trying to find a plan of action if it continues. Who are some people we should contact about this if she cannot stop with just our help?I can’t offer a best answer due to my level, but the longest one with steps to take is the best. I have been talking to her about it and loving her in every way I can, and I know she trusts me with helping her. We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and I feel it will continue for a while. I appreciate all the helpful replies, and I am taking every step I can to make this better. Thank you everyone
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